SEX RUINED MY HAPPY RELATIONSHIP

by Vincent Owino

Are you dating? Are you happy? If your answer to both of these questions is yes, then you may agree with this. “A relationship begins to die the moment sex is introduced into it.” These are the exact words of a rueful varsity student who will give it all to just turn back the clock and return to just a year ago. “I will do it right I swear; I will do it all right” He says.

The third year Chuka University student [let’s give him a pseudo name, John; spoke to the Gilder Magazine on the condition of anonymity], claims sex ruined his happy relationship. He had been in a relationship with a girl for two years, which dates back to his form 4 in 2015. Many high school relationships are said to never really work out in the real world, but according to him, theirs was an exception. It was going to work. Echoing his words, she was an amazing lady; beautiful is an understatement. She was smart, principled, godly, bold and very intelligent. A rare breed of girls indeed.

Unlike many high school relationship, even though they were always miles apart, ‘sexting’ had never found its way into their relationship. They never thought about it, not the virtual one, not the real one. Maybe they were naïve, but they were both happy, and it worked out very well for them. They both finished high school (the girl a year after the guy), joined different universities, still together and happy. John explained that nothing made him happier than just thinking of that girl. She was his entire world. She meant more than the world to him, she meant heaven to him.

Then the sad part of it; they gave in to sex almost at the end of their second year in that relationship. Well, they planned, saved, met and bang! It happened! Feeling quite embarrassed and very regretful, John admitted that he suggested it. It might not look like a big deal to you, but according to John, soon after the encounter, it dawned on him how much they had both lost. They could never address each other the same way again. John says he was feeling so guilty that he had broken the most important promise he had made to her; to never give in to sex. “It’s not like she wasn’t okay with it, she was. 

Actually, she was very okay and even wanted a second time. But I wasn’t. I had wronged God, myself and the girl I loved.” Communication between them began to reduce, and yeah, we all know what happens when there is no communication in any relationship. John waited for time to save him but that didn’t seem to work. Anyway, we know the ending to this story and it isn’t a happy one.

After he shared this story with me, I decided to carry out my own survey and realized that most happy relationships in or outside campus, that lead to successful marriages are sexless; do your research. I asked a friend of mine if there is sex in her relationship and the way she looked at me, I didn’t need an answer. To be precise, sex is never in a relationship that is meant to last a lifetime. I will tell you something, ninety-nine percent of youthful today relationships are clogged with sex, that commitment finds a hard time existing in them. Explains why not 1% of marriages today are happy (do your research).

Another friend of mine, a lady, says that if she ever gets into a relationship again, the man will have to put a ring in her finger first, then they can think about sex. She, like John, learnt it the hard way. Though I might be inexperienced, I will give you the same advice John gave me, sex is the last thing you want to do in a relationship that you hope to last forever. I would have much to say of this but space limits me. Besides, sikio la kufa halisikii dawa. The few words are enough to salvage the savable.

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