10 WAYS TO KNOW A CAMPUS BOY IS FOOLING YOU

by Vincent Owino
Often, I tell people that the problem in campus is not with the girls but with the men. When they say the campus girl is not a wife, I say it’s because the campus boy is not a husband in the same place. But where exactly does the ruin begin? It begins with a deception. It begins with a boy lying to a girl that he loves her when he actually doesn’t.

The girls realize they were deceived when all has been taken away from them. At this moment what they are left for is to become what those men turn them into, sex dolls, because they lack the boldness to gather up their broken pieces and put them back together covering the cracks with gold.  

Turns out the hardest thing for girls is to distinguish a lying man from an honest one. Let me give you some things to look out for in the men that will tell you he’s certainly just fooling you and just flirting with you.

#1. He’s too anxious to make out with you

Sex is the last thing you want to engage in with a campus boy. A guy will tell you that he loves you, in campus, (if he has to) because of two reasons; he wants a taste of you in bed or he really means it. The best way to find out is to avoid going physical with your relationship, at least not too early. True love can exist without sex and sex is never a proof that you love or trust someone. A man who pushes you so hard to his bed does not respect you and does not care about you or anything else but his own selfish interests. Watch out!

#2. He wants you to go out partying and drinking with him

A friend of mine was once told by a guy, “You’re not a girl to the club”. This got me thinking, there are girls to be taken to the clubs and others are not? How unfair! But at least this made me learn one important fact that if a man really respects a woman, he would not involve her in all the filth he engages in. Respect is a fruit of true love. These campus boys go back home and say how the campus girl is not a wife because they know all the filth they indulge in with them. Now be careful, you could be thinking you’re in love, not knowing all you’ve got is a fan.

#3. He tells you ‘You’re beautiful’ more than he tells you ‘I love you’

I don’t really know the emotional and psychological weight the three words ‘I love you’ bear. But I do imagine that if I really love someone I’d want her to know it all the time and to know that it’s the most important thing to me, above any other thing. There’s a difference between being in love with someone and being in love with someone’s body, and the latter is very dangerous, especially to the one whose body is loved. I’m not saying being told you’re beautiful is wrong, it isn’t, it feels so good to be told that, but a mirror can tell you that. What you need to know from a man is that he truly loves you, and saying it isn’t enough, he must live it.

#4. He lies to his parents in your presence

It doesn’t have to be a physical occasion, it could be on phone. You’re there with a guy, he’s calling his parents and telling them how they’re going on a trip and needs money, when you clearly know there’s no trip. This dude doesn’t respect even his parents, what makes you think he’ll respect you? Besides, the fact that he thinks you won’t care if he lies to his parents means he abases your integrity. If you respect yourself, you better get off that train and find a better one.

# 5. He doesn’t go to church

I was reading this article by Jim Davis on 9Marks about myths that keep college students from joining a church and I was surprised. The number one myth, which applies even in Kenya is that they believe there is no real benefit in joining a church. Isn’t that true? Many young people want things that can materially benefit them instantly. Church is never one of those things for most university students. Now if a man does not go to church, there are very high chances he seeks things that can only benefit him instantly. Similarly, there are high chances (very high) that this man is seeking instant benefit from you, either materially or physically. Here is the truth, anyone who doesn’t trust God cannot trust anybody and does not deserve any trust from anyone.

#6. He never gets angry at you

There was this WhatsApp text with a story of someone who was mistreated by a fellow passenger in a bus but kept calm because he/she knew their journey together was so short. No human is perfect, you have to upset someone at times, and you will always notice it. If a man assumes your faults and flaws, something must be wrong. Clearly, your journey together here must be very short. Someone who intends to be with you for life will not keep silent at your faults, he will point them out and you sort them out together. Let not a man cheat you he is soft, no man is soft, except if the softness is defined in the way he handles his anger.

#7. He never let’s you into his phone

We all have secrets to keep, but no secret is worth keeping from the people we intend to share our lives with. A relationship not built on truth, honesty and transparency cannot stand. When distrust creeps into a relationship, it slowly withers and falls with a bang. When you begin to notice distrust in your relationship therefore, I wouldn’t advice you to walk away, but try to handle it, if it is impossible, walk away and never look back. Think of this, you’re in campus and you can’t even see his phone, if you marry, will you even be allowed to his bedroom?

#8. He flatters you

The foolish are the food of the wise (directly translated from my mother tongue) is a proverb I learnt while growing up. I also learnt that to get something from foolish people, all I have to do is to flatter them, make them feel important to me when I actually don’t mean it. Once you notice signs of flattery in a man, walk away from that guy. All he cares about is his own personal interest and nothing else. I am hoping at university level you’re wise enough to notice that someone is flattering you.

#9. He doesn’t seem concerned about which people you spend time with

As I’ve stated earlier, a guy who knows your journey together is short wouldn’t mind even if you walk with murderers and rapists. He doesn’t care about your social life. When you might think he is giving you freedom, he is actually exploiting you. Love requires commitment and anyone who cannot be committed to love does not deserve to be loved. Your man should be very much concerned about which people, especially male, do you interact with and what influence do they have in your life. If he isn’t, it only means he doesn’t love you.

#10. He doesn’t crave to know you better

Before you get to the point when you tell someone ‘I love you’, you should have known him better than the police do, even better than their parents (in most cases, parents don’t even know their kids). Before you enter a romantic relationship with someone (if you have to), you should have known him pretty well. His background, his family, his friends, his likes, his dislikes, his passion, his talent and everything else.

If a man keeps telling you how much you’re beautiful and how much he loves yet he doesn’t even know your second name, or how many you are in your family, he’s probably lying to you. You can only love somebody for who they are, not for what they are. If he doesn’t love you for who you are, then he certainly loves you for what you are. The problem is when what he loves goes away, he’ll not love you anymore, but when he loves you for who you are, you will always be that person, and he’ll never stop loving you.

One last thing, never think love is something we can never control. We can always control ourselves even in love. Girls never get to choose who seduces them, but they choose who they accept. I understand that some girls just accept anybody with the fear of losing an opportunity. That is not the case however when we trust in God. And as I said, whoever does not trust in God does not deserve to be trusted. Good luck, watch your steps, don’t end up messed up!