10 WAYS TO KNOW A CAMPUS BOY IS FOOLING YOU

by Vincent Owino
Often, I tell people that the problem in campus is not with the girls but with the men. When they say the campus girl is not a wife, I say it’s because the campus boy is not a husband in the same place. But where exactly does the ruin begin? It begins with a deception. It begins with a boy lying to a girl that he loves her when he actually doesn’t.

The girls realize they were deceived when all has been taken away from them. At this moment what they are left for is to become what those men turn them into, sex dolls, because they lack the boldness to gather up their broken pieces and put them back together covering the cracks with gold.  

Turns out the hardest thing for girls is to distinguish a lying man from an honest one. Let me give you some things to look out for in the men that will tell you he’s certainly just fooling you and just flirting with you.

#1. He’s too anxious to make out with you

Sex is the last thing you want to engage in with a campus boy. A guy will tell you that he loves you, in campus, (if he has to) because of two reasons; he wants a taste of you in bed or he really means it. The best way to find out is to avoid going physical with your relationship, at least not too early. True love can exist without sex and sex is never a proof that you love or trust someone. A man who pushes you so hard to his bed does not respect you and does not care about you or anything else but his own selfish interests. Watch out!

#2. He wants you to go out partying and drinking with him

A friend of mine was once told by a guy, “You’re not a girl to the club”. This got me thinking, there are girls to be taken to the clubs and others are not? How unfair! But at least this made me learn one important fact that if a man really respects a woman, he would not involve her in all the filth he engages in. Respect is a fruit of true love. These campus boys go back home and say how the campus girl is not a wife because they know all the filth they indulge in with them. Now be careful, you could be thinking you’re in love, not knowing all you’ve got is a fan.

#3. He tells you ‘You’re beautiful’ more than he tells you ‘I love you’

I don’t really know the emotional and psychological weight the three words ‘I love you’ bear. But I do imagine that if I really love someone I’d want her to know it all the time and to know that it’s the most important thing to me, above any other thing. There’s a difference between being in love with someone and being in love with someone’s body, and the latter is very dangerous, especially to the one whose body is loved. I’m not saying being told you’re beautiful is wrong, it isn’t, it feels so good to be told that, but a mirror can tell you that. What you need to know from a man is that he truly loves you, and saying it isn’t enough, he must live it.

#4. He lies to his parents in your presence

It doesn’t have to be a physical occasion, it could be on phone. You’re there with a guy, he’s calling his parents and telling them how they’re going on a trip and needs money, when you clearly know there’s no trip. This dude doesn’t respect even his parents, what makes you think he’ll respect you? Besides, the fact that he thinks you won’t care if he lies to his parents means he abases your integrity. If you respect yourself, you better get off that train and find a better one.

# 5. He doesn’t go to church

I was reading this article by Jim Davis on 9Marks about myths that keep college students from joining a church and I was surprised. The number one myth, which applies even in Kenya is that they believe there is no real benefit in joining a church. Isn’t that true? Many young people want things that can materially benefit them instantly. Church is never one of those things for most university students. Now if a man does not go to church, there are very high chances he seeks things that can only benefit him instantly. Similarly, there are high chances (very high) that this man is seeking instant benefit from you, either materially or physically. Here is the truth, anyone who doesn’t trust God cannot trust anybody and does not deserve any trust from anyone.

#6. He never gets angry at you

There was this WhatsApp text with a story of someone who was mistreated by a fellow passenger in a bus but kept calm because he/she knew their journey together was so short. No human is perfect, you have to upset someone at times, and you will always notice it. If a man assumes your faults and flaws, something must be wrong. Clearly, your journey together here must be very short. Someone who intends to be with you for life will not keep silent at your faults, he will point them out and you sort them out together. Let not a man cheat you he is soft, no man is soft, except if the softness is defined in the way he handles his anger.

#7. He never let’s you into his phone

We all have secrets to keep, but no secret is worth keeping from the people we intend to share our lives with. A relationship not built on truth, honesty and transparency cannot stand. When distrust creeps into a relationship, it slowly withers and falls with a bang. When you begin to notice distrust in your relationship therefore, I wouldn’t advice you to walk away, but try to handle it, if it is impossible, walk away and never look back. Think of this, you’re in campus and you can’t even see his phone, if you marry, will you even be allowed to his bedroom?

#8. He flatters you

The foolish are the food of the wise (directly translated from my mother tongue) is a proverb I learnt while growing up. I also learnt that to get something from foolish people, all I have to do is to flatter them, make them feel important to me when I actually don’t mean it. Once you notice signs of flattery in a man, walk away from that guy. All he cares about is his own personal interest and nothing else. I am hoping at university level you’re wise enough to notice that someone is flattering you.

#9. He doesn’t seem concerned about which people you spend time with

As I’ve stated earlier, a guy who knows your journey together is short wouldn’t mind even if you walk with murderers and rapists. He doesn’t care about your social life. When you might think he is giving you freedom, he is actually exploiting you. Love requires commitment and anyone who cannot be committed to love does not deserve to be loved. Your man should be very much concerned about which people, especially male, do you interact with and what influence do they have in your life. If he isn’t, it only means he doesn’t love you.

#10. He doesn’t crave to know you better

Before you get to the point when you tell someone ‘I love you’, you should have known him better than the police do, even better than their parents (in most cases, parents don’t even know their kids). Before you enter a romantic relationship with someone (if you have to), you should have known him pretty well. His background, his family, his friends, his likes, his dislikes, his passion, his talent and everything else.

If a man keeps telling you how much you’re beautiful and how much he loves yet he doesn’t even know your second name, or how many you are in your family, he’s probably lying to you. You can only love somebody for who they are, not for what they are. If he doesn’t love you for who you are, then he certainly loves you for what you are. The problem is when what he loves goes away, he’ll not love you anymore, but when he loves you for who you are, you will always be that person, and he’ll never stop loving you.

One last thing, never think love is something we can never control. We can always control ourselves even in love. Girls never get to choose who seduces them, but they choose who they accept. I understand that some girls just accept anybody with the fear of losing an opportunity. That is not the case however when we trust in God. And as I said, whoever does not trust in God does not deserve to be trusted. Good luck, watch your steps, don’t end up messed up!  

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TO HER WITH LOVE.

Hey you,
It’s been ages since I last saw you. Ages have added days to your timeline, so I choose this date and time to pen down some lines.
Today is your birthday but I won’t ask how old you have gotten since I know how much you hate the word old. I have never forgotten that sweet slap you gave me the last time I used that word on you ha-ha, but I do hope that days have added grace to your fine self, tuning your physique to rhyme with the passing times. I hope that heavens have showered you immensely with the knowledge and wisdom that befits a lady who has seen the passing of many moons and suns.
Today I would have sung you a happy birthday song but you know that the birds of the air felt envious anytime rolls changed and you were the one serenading me, uttering beautiful words and belting our angelic tunes. My friends have been telling me to forget you and move on but I can’t because I didn’t let you off my heart and when you left, I still couldn’t let you off my life. So I won’t and will never call you my ex even when you and I are apart. You see, even the devil on my shoulder misses the glory you brought, he still whispers in my ear that he has never seen an angel like you.
I have come to a realization that for my life to have meaning, you have to be in the equation to be able to solve this love problem. You were and are still the joy in my life lest I forget the faith of a great future that I so dream of, so if you want to call me promiscuous, I don’t care because thinking of how we used to be and how we can forever be intertwined in love, gives me the hope that one day we will be one again.
They keep telling me to wait for the woman of my dreams but I don’t sleep so I can’t find her because the sound of you calling out my name in that soft purr in your voice, keeps me awake. There are countless things I would have loved to say to you, countless moments I would have wanted to experience with you, countless words I would have loved to whisper into your ears only and see you blush and giggle, you know me and my crazy naughty mouth, but I hope that destiny will cross our paths again, that one day I will get to whisper those words I never shouted and shout for the whole world to hear those words that I whispered to you.
As you add one more day to your life and blow one more candle, I pray that your wishes come true. I still hold you dear and look forward to that day when I set mine eyes on you.
By Githinji Kiiru.

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10 THINGS WE DO IN CAMPUS THAT MAKE US TOTALLY SUBHUMAN

Campus is where we develop habits we keep for life. It is where we give definitions about ourselves that we can never change. It is way we paint pictures of ourselves that we can never erase. We should therefore be careful what we do, say or engage in. Here are some of the things we do in campus that totally destroy our internal ego, self-confidence and image. They simply make us subhuman.

1.         Having sex without love

Sex is a pleasure, love is another story altogether, really? Since when? The last time I checked, that’s a rule in the animal’s kingdom. Animals know nothing about love, but that’s where we differ with them. Having sex with someone you don’t love simply means you have put your heart and your brain out of the equation, and what does that make you if not a subhuman? Come on, stop being an animal, sex is not merely a pleasure, let it be used for the right purpose!

2.      Dressing irresponsibly

More often people think that the only irresponsible dressings are the contemporary casual kinds for men and the extremely exposing dresses for the ladies. We rarely imagine that the extremely concealing can also be irresponsible at times. You are in campus; your appearance is more important than what’s in your head. You can’t just dress like you don’t care what others think of your appearance. Dress smartly, be decent, be presentable and most importantly, be neat. Some kinds of dressing expose our personalities to irreparable damages, let’s be careful.

3.      Uncaring for our own bodies

It is in campus that we never care at all what damage the foods we eat and drink cause to our bodies. We sometimes cannot avoid certain foods or might not be aware what damage they cause to us. For instance, we often eat meat in campus, but do we know what damage it does to us?  Find out. That aside, what can we say of those that we know but still deliberately expose ourselves to? We know how harmful alcohol and other drugs are to us, but we still use them, without caring. Some dressing styles expose our bodies to cold which may cause incurable illnesses. A rational human being will take care, at least, of his own body. Think and rethink, are you really human if you can’t take care of your own body?

4.      Being insensitive of the feelings and desires of other people

Human beings are social beings. Without the people around us, we can never survive. As much as we show love and care for ourselves, we should never ignore those around us. The same way we need to be happy and comfortable is the very same way those around us need to be. How often do we play too loud music in our hostels without caring the effect it has on our neighbours? Style up, your music doesn’t need to be loud to be audible, at least to you in your room. Mind about others! Ati waende wasome library, who tells you the only effect your music has is hindrance of studies? A human being with a brain and a heart would know that peace of mind is a basic need to some people, if not to themselves. Care much about yourself, care more about others. That’s the one rule we should live by as young people. Do not be too egocentric.

5.      Being insensitive of our physical environment

 Is it not common in campus to get into the room of a student and wonder if its an animal who lives in there or a human being? Only animals do not care about the hygiene of their environment. They are okay with it no matter how dirty. It is disturbing that some university students are exactly like that. If staying in a house for a day without cleaning it is not hygienic, how do you stay for a week or a month in a house without cleaning? And you really think you are human. You can’t just dispose waste anyhow like you don’t know the right place or way to do so.   We must take good care of our environments, for only then can we be different from animals.

6.      Being unkind to strangers

What normally makes us think that strangers are not humans like us? Campus is a place for strangers, we never really know ninety percent of the people we encounter. Now when we encounter people and start uttering some unkind comments about their physical appearance, nature or style in their hearing, we are not any different from animals. It’s dogs that bark at other strange dogs and it is hens that pick up fights with strange hens. What makes you different from them if you can’t, at least, mind your own business when you encounter strangers even if you don’t like something about them?

7.      Expecting to reap where we did not sow

Friends, only animals do not farm but still eat. They depend on chance to survive. Human beings on the other and are not like that. We work to survive. We reap exactly where we sow. I’m normally wondering what on earth is wrong with these guys who get into an exam room unprepared and begin disturbing their neighbours. If you can’t read, why don’t you make other arrangements earlier? Be a self-dependent person. If you expect to reap, then you must plan to sow.

8.      Disrespecting older people, especially lecturers and support staff

When a calf starts growing horns, it normally wants to test and exercise them, so it feels fit to even wrestle a fully-grown bull. But we are humans, we must admit that older people are better than us, at least in age. We must give them the respect they deserve, despite what their work is, whether a lecturer or a cleaner.

9.      Being pushed to work for our own good

A cow has to be forced to pull a cart carrying Napier grass which it will itself feed on. It is because the cow doesn’t realize that pulling the cart is for its own benefit. This is similar to how we often want to be forced to do what benefits only us in campus. Some creatures want to be forced to be in a class or to study for the exams, not realizing that it is for their own greater good. University education is classified as tertiary education in Kenya, meaning, it is not compulsory and one can do without it. If you don’t want to be in the university, pack your bags and go back home. You don’t have to stay there, waste money and do a lot of nothing.

10.  Fighting

At university level! In primary school, disputes were solved through fighting, that reduced in secondary school, and now in campus, you still fight? Wake up friend, you have the ability to speak for a reason. No dispute is beyond solution through dialogue. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Violence can murder a liar, but it cannot murder lies, violence can murder the hater, but it doesn’t murder hate”. Violence is not necessary. It is not a solution, itself is the problem. Wake up!

That is the truth now. Take it or leave it, your choice. Now think and rethink, gauge yourself if you meet the standards of being human, or even of human being. Thanks for reading, kindly be courteous and share this information. It’s important to the restoration of humanity to our campuses.

By Vincent Owino

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